FAMQ (Frequently Asked Modesty Questions)

     Ahhh S U M M E R ! The season of sunny days, long nights, beach trips, adventures with your friends, and the annual modesty talk at youth group! Fun right?

     I know what you're thinking, "ANOTHER blog post about modesty?? Really Michaela???" Yes, another post about modesty. I've been reading a lot of other blogs lately about this topic and I agree with some things and totally disagree with others. As a girl who has recently been blamed for a guy's porn addiction, modesty has become something that I value even more than before. I have always preferred to dress modestly, even before becoming a Christian; however, I know that I was not super careful about how I dressed around B (the boy I talked about in my first post in case you missed it or forgot). If I had a shirt where my bra straps showed I didn't really care, if the shirt was a little low "Oh well, big deal it's just B." And while his addiction to porn is 100% NOT my fault I realize that I was not exactly helping him stay away from impure thoughts.
     I certainly don't want my actions to cause anyone to stumble and to be honest, dressing even somewhat immodestly makes me uncomfortable. I am completely convinced that modesty and self-worth have a direct link. Especially if you are finding your worth in Christ!
     With modesty in mind I asked my Facebook friends to let me know what they think about modesty. I feel very strongly about this topic but it was great to see the different perspectives that people have and how they answered my questions! Thank you to everyone who contributed their thoughts, ideas, and perspectives! I so appreciate you! So here are some topics that I think are important to discuss, what others thought, and what I think. I'm not saying that any opinion on here is the right one to believe, ultimately modesty is something that you need to determine for yourself. The one question you should always be asking is "Does this glorify God?" Because THAT is the ultimate goal. 

"Modest is Hottest"

"I think 'Modest is Hottest' is pretty lame," one of my Facebook respondents said. She was echoed by another girl who insisted that "if we want girls to start dressing modestly then using a phrase like that isn't going to help at all." I COMPLETELY agree with both of these girls! I get angry every time this phrase comes up. As women of Christ we are asked to dress in a manor that will not cause our brothers in Christ to stumble. So if I am dressing modestly I'm dressing so that guys won't look at me and go "Whoa, she's hot!" That is majorly counterproductive to one of the biggest reasons that women should dress modestly! Also, I find being called "hot" very degrading. Hot is the word you use to describe the temperature of the food you are about to devour, women are not meant to be objectified as a hot juicy steak. Guys, some advice, use a different word to describe the girl you like. Even if you are just saying it to your buddies. Ladies, don't call guys "hot" either, like I said it's degrading, he is not a piece of meat. Even if you are saying it to your girl friends. IT IS NOT OKAY!

PLUS if you are calling someone hot I'm 99.9% sure that you are lusting after them and Jesus says in Matthew 5:28 "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Just saying.

"Am I REALLY Causing Guys to Stumble?"

I will be the first to admit that I am totally a skeptic when it comes to some things that supposedly cause guys to lust after women. Because I've never heard a guy say anything about it so how do I really know if what I'm wearing effects guys. My biggest question was if it is distracting to guys if my bra straps are showing. Whenever a woman youth leader has said that to me I was like "yeah right!" I mean seriously, I'm a teenaged girl and it's not like teenaged guys don't know that girls wear bras. It's not a surprise so why should it be such a big deal if my bra strap is showing when I'm wearing a tank top. Generally I like my bra straps hidden because it is just weird to have them showing but if it slips out from under my shirt I usually don't really care. So the question I posed to Facebook was if bra straps were actually distracting to guys and ONE guy actually answered me! And to be honest this guy is not a Christian but I think in this situation that makes it more practical because while we want to help protect our brothers in Christ keep their minds pure we also don't want our non-Christian guy friends or random guys of the street to look at us lustfully. He said that YES bra straps are distracting because "It comes from the psychological appeal of what lies under the outer layer." So ladies, now that we've seen it from the typing fingers of a guy we definitely need to be more careful about this. I know it's hard with all of the really cute lace tops and such but the solution is simple, buy a good fitting strapless or buy a bra with clear straps. Yes they can still be seen that way but it's not like "oh hey look, my bra strap."

Do Guys Dress Immodestly?

Okay let's be honest here for a second, it's not very often that guys are held to standard of modesty, at least the way that women are. On modesty rules for youth group trips the girls have a list and guys have "No Speedos." I am not even joking, that is the only rule I have seen in my youth group. I get it, guys are "visually stimulated" so that's why girls need to dress modestly (outside of the fact that we should glorify God in our dress) but who says that girls aren't? I'm gonna be totally honest and say that most of the time when I see a shirtless guy I look twice to see if he is attractive, and if I notice that he is attractive I usually stare and daydream about talking to him and him asking me out and then we get married and live happily ever after with our 4 kids. I wish this was a joke. But it's not. And all the guys reading this are thinking "How exactly is daydreaming a bad thing?" Well, it's is sacrificing my mental purity by daydreaming about (aka lusting after) a guy who most likely will not end up being my husband and my emotional purity because I am dreaming up an imaginary life that I am going to want my future husband to live up to one day and that isn't fair to him. So guys, think about what you are wearing and how it could be effecting the girls around you. If it is hard for you to look a way from a girl who is immodestly dressed, it is just as hard for us girls to look away from a guy that is immodestly dressed. Most of the time all it takes is to put a shirt on when wearing a swimsuit, I promise you will not be that hot, us girls have to be covered up and we survive, so can you. We do our best to protect your purity, we would appreciate if you did the same for us. :)

Self-worth and Modesty

Now how does this tie into self-worth? It is actually very simple. In my experience I am 1000x more self-conscious when I am wearing immodest clothing because I am hyper aware of what I think other people are seeing. I think my legs are fat and when I am wearing short shorts I suddenly realize that people can see how big my thighs are, etc. When I'm wearing longer shorts that isn't really a huge concern. Plus when you are dressing modestly no one can really say or think anything that badly about you. Dressing modestly will (hopefully) help you to feel confident in yourself and you will also be glorifying God. Your Heavenly Father desires for you to be modest; you are His Treasured Possession!