This Has NEVER Happened Before

     You know that game "Never Have I Ever"? My friends and I sometimes play it on long youth trips when we are in the car for hours. It was always kept simple and light. But what if we talked about serious things while playing this game?
     Well one of the things I could have said was "Never have I ever looked in a mirror without having make-up on and my hair done and had positive thoughts about myself." Never in my entire life. If I don't have make-up on and if my hair isn't done all of the negative thoughts and feelings about myself come out. But tonight is different.
     Tonight I looked in the mirror and my face was make-up free and my hair was in a really messy, unruly braid and not one negative thought or feeling. Not ONE! Not for one second did I think that I was ugly or worthless! Not for one split second. THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE!!!!!!!!
     I pray everyday for God to give me even a tiny glimpse of what He sees when He sees me. Tonight was not necessarily that glimpse but I think it's getting closer.
     The reason I know that I didn't see myself the way that God sees me is because while I didn't have any negative thoughts I also didn't really have anything super positive either. It was just like "Oh hey, I actually look okay." And as depressing as that may seem to normal people, as someone who hasn't even thought that she looks "okay" without make-up or perfect hair before that feeling means everything.
     It means that all of the rebuilding I've been doing when it comes to my self-esteem has actually been working. It means that my prayers are finally getting answered and God is showing me just how faithful He is. 
     Thank you Jesus for this feeling of looking okay!
September 2, 2014. The day I looked in the mirror and thought "Oh hey, I actually look okay."

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